Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
you had me at cake vodka
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
yeah dropping that class because i really don't want to be known as the girl who fell asleep in class and threw up as she walked out for an entire semester
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
Randomize