You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
Randomize
