I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
Randomize
