Yah man, that place is surreal
Man, I'm from Tennessee. What the fuck is surreal?
Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
there's something wrong with the internet when a search for "barney the dinosaur violence" comes up with nothing
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
People will call it the Wrath of the Froyo. We'll be immortalized.
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
Randomize
