My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
I keep looking at his nude pics and crying because ill never see it in person again.
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
Randomize
