yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
Interesting preview of what next year will be like. Side note, missing a chunk of flesh from my middle finger.
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
Maybe snorting K off penises isn't healthy
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
Randomize