My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
I would have done it. But then again I am a starving student who can manipulate my brain into thinking my decision was somehow morally justifiable.
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
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