i permit you to call me
Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
Randomize
