Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
Ps can u get with my cousin? He's a freshman at uconn and he's very attractive but like were related....
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
Randomize
