its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
Randomize
