my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
God I hope my hair dresser doesn't realize that all these hairspiration pictures are from gay porn blogs on tumblr.
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
Atlanta road trip update. Jimmy fell into the petting tank at the aquarium. And freaked out. With cops now... Keep you posted
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
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