piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
Rock
Scissors
Fuck
Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
yeah that facebook group of people who have had sex with me probably isn't to discreet...
I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
Randomize
