There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
So for a second i just thought clitoris was a disease.
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
One of these days I would like to go out drinking and stick to plan of just getting drunk and not be sidetracked with other people's plans of doing drugs along the way. I didn't even want to not feel my teeth tonight but here we go just another Thursday night when you live I live
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
Randomize
