Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
we need to make pact to not cut each other's hair on coke and whiskey nights.
While I agree, I dont think thats realistically possible
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
Randomize
