Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
Randomize