I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
Yeah, she'd be cute...but she has faith. It's a problem down south.
my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
Shame - the story of my life.
Randomize
