the dr. explained that the first big patch is called a herald patch since it's biggest. So his name is Harold the Patch.
Wow. You named your rash.
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
I woke up and my backpack was empty. He used me for sex, and back to school supplies.
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
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