Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
Randomize
