Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
I woke up the other day with my Google browser open to "DIY lip injections"... I also just received a vial of hyaluronic acid and a package of TB syringes from amazon. I'm down.
I will have no part of this.
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
Randomize
