I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
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