the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
im wtih 32a right now bc 34d is on her period. now i know how girls feel when their hookups go from magnums to regulars
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
Honestly, It follows the same rules as Cock Roulette.
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
Randomize
