You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
Just smokin in the creek with some deer, they like the smoke, I know.
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
Randomize
