Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
I'm glad we're going to catch up. too bad it's over my vagina.
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
he just fucked me for my cheese..
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
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