My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
Randomize