rhymes with "ouble enetration"
the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
Just make sure you put pants on
....then im not going
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