I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
So not only did team sweden fail to particpate in any drinking game but i also found puke in my viking helmet this morning.
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
I did something similar high once. I stopped like 30 feet in front of a stop sign because I felt like it was running towards me and I started crying. Got out my car and hugged it and told it not to run away people need it.
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
I put him in the supply closet, used the copy paper to build a fort around him and his wheelchair, then he fucked me in the fort.
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