I just heard a guy scream "it must be five o' clock!!" and another guy screamed "somewhere!!!" out from different balconies.
I was giving him head and when I deep throated him he screamed out "Ohh, top ten!"
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
he's been in the country 4 hours and we just did it in the closet. he called me "miss flirtatious in the cupboard." i'm in love.
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
True strength comes from lack of pants
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
learning about efficiency and effectiveness in an administration seminar. real world application: walking across the street to the pub on break to shotgun a beer.
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
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