So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
quit whining, rub some dirt on it, and lets get out there
its my penis
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