Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
Well, I'm a guy so I don't have one, but if its anything like the inside of my nose, yes, vodka would burn.
I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
Randomize
