I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
Randomize
