Just fell off a train. Bad.
The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
Consumer Beware: Redhead has herpes.
Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
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