WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
I can feel the shame as I walk down your hallway.. good night
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
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