I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
Adderall went through the wash. Took it anyway. Wish me luck.
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
Randomize
