It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
Doubtful. That seems irresponsible. The 4th will kill you if you stopped drinking until then. Let's think logically.
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement ðŸ˜ðŸ˜‚
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