this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
he told me I was hypnotizing him with my mouth so I guess I do give good head
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
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