One girl and one boy is just not enough.
So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
Remember when there was a happier time when people could all hang out together with out the awkwardness of the fact that she stole $1000 and cheated on a brother with another brother !?!??
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
Randomize