It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
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