I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
I bet Jafar would keep his hat on during
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
Randomize
