Is making out on a toilet while he is sitting down and pissing weird? cause that's what happened last night
Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
i'm so glad to be in bed i'd like to thank the acadermy
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
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