i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
He called his prostate his "boner button".
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
When we tried to make a video I set the camera to 3sec pictures accidentally so instead of a movie we have a flipbook of our sex.
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
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