Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
Please, do not let 'babydaddy' catch on as your petname for me.
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
after all you did bang a few mechanics. you must have got some second hand skills by now for building us a go kart.
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
Do you think casino weekend will remind us once again that we in fact are not mature enough to be this old?
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
Randomize
