Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
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