I think getting shot is the thing to do in Brooklyn
recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
Working out to an exercise video on OnDemand. Also, drinking beer and eating cream cheese with a side of bagel in between stretches.
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
Randomize
