i think my tv is drunk
I woke up this morning with "guy in polar bear j.crew boxers" written on my stomach along with a 5 digit phone number...
well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
his extensive knowledge of the age of consent laws kinda scares me....
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
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