people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
I got head to The Nanny. Officially gay.
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
Randomize
