ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
Randomize