i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
Randomize
