yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
we need to get ahold of those "sexting" teens on tyra. HAWT!
wasnt one 13?
Yeah. Fortunately, the road to Hell is paved with naked 21 year old girls.
Which beats the fuck out of good intentions.
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
well shes beginning to earn a reputation as "the girl who tries to bone her hook ups in the ass with a pickle"
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
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