Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
Randomize
