just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
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