i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
just saw a prosititute with a baby stroller...question is...if the baby wakes up is the blow job free?
'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
hey, this is the ginger girl from the party...i've thought about it and I wanna join the american girl drinking team
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
I know its 2 in the morning and everything. But i just straight up yelled "DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND THIS WORLD IS DIFFICULT ENOUGH AS IT IS WITHOUT YOU PULLING THIS BULLSHIT ON ME" to my taco. Because it fell apart on me. I think i might be cracking under this finals pressure.
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