i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
SOME GIRL GOT MAGGOTS IN HER COOCH FROM EXPERIMENTING WITH MAYO!
If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
New Orleans is just like you. Dirty but beautiful and will always have a special place in my heart
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
Randomize