i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
no, its his 'welcome back from rehab' party.
There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
FYI I'm about to upload a vid of you to facebook of you screaming "SNACK ATTACK" and throwing cheetos at everyone playing pong...
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
Randomize