I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
I need to stop making out with boys in plain view of half my class.
He looked like Harry Potter. I had to do it.
What baked good do you think says thanks for being a great tutor, lets bang?
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
She's drunk as hell locked up I. The bathroom with my shoes where do I go from here
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
Randomize
