I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
this must be what syphilis tastes like
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
Randomize
