i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
I think these people may actually be nudists. You know it's bad when I feel uncomfortable.
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
Randomize
