I just cut my nipple shaving
I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
I STILL HAVE A HARD TIME DECIDING WHAT TO WEAR IN THE MORNING HOW WOULD IT BE POSSIBLE FOR ME TO PICK A PAIR OF PANTS AND GO OH ILL JUST WEAR THESE FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
Randomize