I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
I love taking my adderall while im in class! As soon as I take the pill out everyone around me just stares in envy!
Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
Randomize
