I haven't even gone in yet. I'm sitting in the waiting room playing a game i like to call "Who else is here for AA".
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
I think my ph in my vagina is actually off from the lack of sex I've had this break compared to finals week.
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
Randomize
