I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
Well, remember that night we took shrooms at graces an had to leave immediately to go home and hold each other on the futon and sob for four hours? That bad...
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
The dog destroyed my vibrator and swallowed several pieces. Vet gave us a laxative so now I’m checking lots of dog shit and having no orgasms. Plus the cute vet knows I don’t get enough dick, so that’s just great
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
Randomize
