i can't wait to go to hell
yeah...all of my friends will be there for sure
He was doing push ups, crunches and jogging in place in front of the restaurant. I'm not too sure I want to eat there if it requires immediate exercise following the meal.
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
You were outside the bathroom the gay guy was puking in, screaming "IT GETS BETTER!" over and over again. Good message, poor execution.
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
Randomize
