Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
Randomize
