Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
He told me he felt like he shoud say thank you and as a prize i could keep anything from his room that i wanted.
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
Randomize
