he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
What's an appropriate outfit for wearing to hangout with a girl you've talked to once, and had a 4way with?
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
You bet your firm but soft ass I miss you
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