You'd love this place it's beautiful. Plus these people smell like garlic
i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
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