The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
Randomize
