tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
Sooooooo, maybe just fucked on a motorcycle.
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
Randomize
