why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
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