I scissor kicked a one legged man last night.
He was trying to put me in handcuffs.
You have my attention.
i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
no, you don't understand how much people deal here. All I had to say was "hey lets buy a bag" and he pulled over instantly, then the randoms in the car behind us pulled over and sold us a bag.
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
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