im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
I just blew my weed a kiss
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
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