i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
And. No one ejaculated on anyones face. This is all wrong
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
Randomize
