it's not the walk of shame if you do it in cowboy boots.
so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
so i was thinking... those 6 am shots weren't really needed.
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
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