So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
However today I got my lube that might I add was dripping out of the box. I'd like to think my mailman was mixing business with pleasure.
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
I have a dinner date combo blowjob event with Tristan tonight.
Randomize
