didnt we say no more talking to eachother
it will help you get over me i promise
im horny
ok i will unlock the door
so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
drunk. just smoked a spliff with a 19yr old hungarian bike taxi driver and bonded over the difficulties of getting weed in a different country. idk y shit like this isnt in the study abroad info packets
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
Randomize
