time to smoke my breakfast
wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
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