Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
DOWN HORMONES. BACK.
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
I was very impressed with his ability to carry on a conversation with his friends sitting in the front seat with his hand in my pants, getting a hand job, stoned, with a cigarette in his mouth. I think he's a keeper.
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