I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
Is there a sexuality term for 'only wants hatefucks'?
Randomize
