Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
Is it ok to bone a former patient who is also a client? Since it is two negatives does that cancel and become a positive?
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
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