the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
Well you just missed the ten chi o pledges singing la bamba at our doorstep.
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
dude Steve you don't even know. its just been one hairy asshole after another.
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
I've got two reasons for you to come over later and one of them is pierced.
Randomize
