OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
he asked if thats how we do it in the states..like there's cultural difference in fucking between canada and the us..
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but a penn state hat. We are....
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
And he's a cuddle champ. I know because I slept over because I don't know what boundaries are.
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
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