hooking up with chicks might be the way to go after all. walk of shame looks better in her clothes.
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
This may have to wait till tomorrow. I smoked so my back wouldn't hurt and I overshot relaxed by like 4 hits casually
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
Randomize
