she is the female version of PC from the mac and pc commercials..i'll still hit tho
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
I don't think so, think I've only met him once, the night I lost my teeth
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
I know its 2 in the morning and everything. But i just straight up yelled "DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND THIS WORLD IS DIFFICULT ENOUGH AS IT IS WITHOUT YOU PULLING THIS BULLSHIT ON ME" to my taco. Because it fell apart on me. I think i might be cracking under this finals pressure.
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
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