White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
Don't be a dummy cum on the tummy. Make her a slut, and cum in her butt. Have no fear, jizz in her ear. Don't be a noob, cum on her boob. Forget her rack, blow on her back. Just take off your coat and jizz in her throat. And if she seals off her holes, cum in her rolls
is that a poem?!
I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
Randomize
