when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
It was like giving head to a cactus.
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
Randomize
