Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
Yeah he's still asleep. I washed the blender out. He tried to make a ham-shake. Lets wait until after break to have that talk. I kind of want to see where this goes.
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
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