Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
Just finished my law exam. Questions 4-18 seemed to pertain specifically to things we've done this semester.
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
Randomize
