I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
it's kind of slutty but what the hell, so are we
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
Randomize
