Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
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