My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
Day two of taking my adderall. I just organized the pantry and alphabetized my dvds. I've missed my mind on drugs
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
You're gonna be sprawled out basking in the sun working on your tan like a ridiculously hot iguana, and I'm gonna be here bundled up in about 72 layers just so I don't freeze my dick off looking like the Michelin man's gay cousin
i apologize, I may have called you an iguana
Mistakes were made
Randomize
