i don't plan on having that self control this summer
WHY DIDN'T ANYON E TELL ME SHE WAS SIXTEEN
I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
Btw I puked in your glovebox
Randomize
