dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
Randomize