I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
I've fucked 6 of my brothers' friends. I'm completely fine with him fucking the girl we ate lunch with.
I deleted my history right in front of my girlfriend w/out her seeing. Let's go skydiving with no parachutes. I can live thru anything.
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
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