Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
Ive only seen a dude masterbate on a train twice, once on the Jtrain and once on the Ftrain... trust me you never wanna see where the subway turns around.
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
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