They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
She tied me up with her honor cords...
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
Sext me about skeletons
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
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