She said so on her MySpace, so it's gotta be true.
my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.
She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
they're like a gay fantastic four
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
Also we saw a clown getting arrested. Rochester is weird.
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
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