I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
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