Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
Gotta love hanging with Nat. By the time guys realize she isnt going home with them, they've spent enough money and time to think I'm a good idea.
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
Randomize
