you can still come hang out if you want
I really don't feel like watching you play video games
If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
The only reason I can fathom that you've been able to continue to date new people this long is that women continue to become of age each year, and the younger ones don't know any better.
I still have the video of you three making soup in my kitchen and asking random people for permission DURING the party, not after like usually
Don't remember, didn't happen
I HAVE THE VIDEO YOU DICK IT HAPPENED
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
Randomize
