My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
all the douches that like ed hardy are the same douches that were obsessed with lisa frank
alright got my week's quota of sex in, ready for modern warfare 2
just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
Haha! I've never met his girlfriend, so my main focus will be not saying,"you're the only person in this room that doesn't know what my vagina feels like."
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
Randomize
