I've decided through careful research we can out drink any country folk.
Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
Drunk is not a location!
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
Randomize
