I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
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