She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
Randomize
