Please, let me fuck your mom
Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
Randomize
