Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
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