and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
You're right, I'd say my real all time low was when I let that fifteen-year-old feel my boob.
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
Randomize
