I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
Randomize
