I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
While she was pissing on the neighbors shrubs, they threatened to call the cops...she mumbled 'don't threaten me with a good time", so to answer your question, yes she was drunk.
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
Randomize
