she woke up with a sticky ear
I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
i was concerned by what you said you would do for a snickers. It wasn't even a Klondike bar.
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
It was his birthday this weekend. I had to carry him 6 blocks, in 3 inch heels. The entire time he was trying to molest me, eat my face, and try to stop every two feet to tie his shoe. He would light a cigarette, forget about it, almost burn everyone, throw it out, then decide he wanted to smoke. He kept repeating that he trusts me with his life.
...Wow...
I could be a kindergarten teacher
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
Randomize
