Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
Randomize
