that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
Don't. You get on the 18 year old. I'll get on the 38 year old. Together we will bridge 2 decades of cock.
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
Randomize