Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
Can you send me a pic of you vag, I'm sexting the guy and he wants a pic but I didnt shave
dude are you serious?
I know you already have a pic on your phone
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
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