I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
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