Small penises have feelings too.
i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
Randomize
