Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
Because Kyle had a tattoo kit at his house and I wanted one and all he could draw was a mustache or a stickman on fire
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
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