I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
Is there a tactful way for me to ask a girl to let me know when she gets her period?
i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
Fire inspection over. Blunts are OK
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
Randomize
