I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
I saw his package. It spoke to me.
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
If Anthony Weiner can get in trouble for sexting 2 or 3 girls I dunno how politicians will make it in 10 years.
Lol I would vote for a guy that is trying to be a senator that has a viral video of him motorboating a topless chick
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
Ur dad just showed me a tit pic he got omf
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
Randomize