2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
Randomize
